All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
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He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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