Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
