i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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