I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
