Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
