I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he thought i was a dude.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
