so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my being single is dangerous.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
