just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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