But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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