apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
