STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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