i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
