I think i peed on brittanys purse
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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