The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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