Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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