Umm I'm too high to move.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
