I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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