My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
