My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
