I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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