so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
