That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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