it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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