last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
