ya dads aren't the best wingmen
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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