Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm passing your future prison.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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