I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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