shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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