If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
