I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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