I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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