My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There's even glitter on my cock...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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