Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am mentally ready for anal.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
