allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
