She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
