New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
