alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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