when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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