My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
