Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
