Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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