I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize