i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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