from now on my penis is your penis
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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