Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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