I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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