question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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