Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
