Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
