why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
