So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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