my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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