If that was your dad, he is hot
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
