I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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