she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
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Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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