R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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