We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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