she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
