Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
