Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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