I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
