If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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