The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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