haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
