So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
