Can i not drive my cunt home
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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