i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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