i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
