I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
