College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
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I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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